I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
