if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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