I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
