I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
