hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize