Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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