I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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