the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
