ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
