i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
