They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
