I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
