I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
