You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
