I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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