dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How external is "for external use only"?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
