you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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