Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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