Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
