My Higher Power is John Stamos
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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