Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
