You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
