I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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