So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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