youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
