Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
