I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
