Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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