why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
