Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
PANTIES FOUND
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