the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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