Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
