Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
