I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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