is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
