Pants 0. Shit 1.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
is it fun? or sober?
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