You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
