If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize