You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
