Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
