I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
