I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
