Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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