I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
