the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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