I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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