And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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