New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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