1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I touched a dick in church today
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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