Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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