I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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