respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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