He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
