Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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