If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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