Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
