Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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