Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
