I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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