Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Girls should come with a carfax report
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
