Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
