With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
