After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
