UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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