The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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