me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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