there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
