she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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