HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
