Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
