I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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