fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
