The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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