He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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