he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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