well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
