I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
