Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
