5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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