yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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