Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
im on a boat
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