One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
