Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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