She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
