dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
